Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Whoa buddy, you want to pump your brakes

   V. 

After not selecting a quarterback in April's draft, Washington Redskins coach Mike Shanahan talked glowingly of backup John Beck. In a radio interview Monday, Beck made it clear he thinks he's ready to take over as the team's starter.
"I believe I'm a starter in the NFL," Beck said in a SiriusXM NFL Radio interview Monday
...So I'm thinking I'm the starter."

Does Beck not know Sexy Rexy is on the Redskins and proclaiming you are starter over Rex is little like stepping on Superman's Chuck Ts.  The Redskins are Grossman's team until further notice (I saw Rex at this year's Derby, he looked pretty jacked or really fat I honestly couldn't tell).

Just look at the banner pic, who do you think runs the show in DC.


I wish  knew who wrote this originally.  I got in a forwarded email in 2006 I think, but it still holds up.  And you can practically replace Rex's name with Cutler's.  I have no clue why The Bears have such hard ons for every social chair with an arm.

Is that Berrian? I think he’s triple-covered. You know what? Fuck it. I’m throwing it downfield.
Yeah, I see Jones open on the flank. But fuck that. Dumpoff passes are for faggots. I’m fucking Sexy Rexy Grossman. I can get that ball in there. And, even if I can’t, I bet I’ll be able to pull it off the next go round. I like throwing the ball long. It makes my dick hard.

What’s that? I should throw a quick slant? Fuck that. That’s gay. Button hook? Gay. Flare out? Gay. Screen pass? Kevin Spacey gay. This is fucking football. You can’t just expect wins to come to you. You can’t massage that shit. You gotta grab that game by the throat and rape the ever-loving shit out of it. You think a 5-yard out is gonna win you a game? You’re a pussy. This ain’t John Shoop running this offense. Sexy Rexy’s got the arm. The dragon. You gotta unleash the dragon.

Okay, I’m throwing it. Nice. Look how far it went. I look good. I bet I made that Pats cheerleader wet her panties with that throw. She fucking wants me. I bet she likes it over a stair railing. I can hit that with 100% accuracy, my dear. Mmmmmm. I am delicious.

Oh shit. Looks like Samuel caught it. Again. Oh well. It still felt fucking great to throw that shit. Tell me that wasn’t one of the prettiest passes you ever saw. You know what? Not only am I gonna throw it long the next time we hit the field. I’m gonna throw it even longer. Harder. You see that kid in wheelchair sitting in the end zone bleachers? I’m gonna nail him right between the fucking eyes with a Sexy Rexy fastball. Why? Because I can.

This is Rex Grossman we’re talking about here. We’re talking 210 lbs. of twisted steel and sex appeal. I’m not just a gunslinger. I’m a cumslinger. Throwing that ball long tells all the Rexettes that I am fucking out there. On the edge. Where I gotta be. The ladies love the danger. The unpredictability. Oh, maybe I’ll tease them with a pretty touch pass every now and again. But then I’m gonna go right back to pumping that ball out for all it’s worth. It tells them I throw like I fuck. That’s how we do things in the sexy business.

Tell me you’re not turned on right now. I am.







-Les Anderson

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